I try to contain myself

I am confused.
I am filtering my mind
My mouth
my life

I know this is all to much
to soon
Timing is all off
for everything.

Why can't i get my mind out of this place?

Tears,
fears.
not again.

But when it's good its good.
Good is never enough.
2nd place is where i stand
always and eternally.

I want 1st
I want.

I want to much,
I strive for so little.
I sit and stare
Think and cry
laugh and die some more inside.
how funny and cruel life is.

I filter my mind
my mouth
my life.